Sleep guru Arti Newman offers her expert tips on how to help you and your toddler get a good night’s sleep
Your little darling hit six months and finally started to sleep through the night. Hurrah! What a relief! But now they are a toddler (aged 1-4 years) there’s a whole host of other sleep problems that are keeping you up at night. If that describes your experience of having a child, don’t fear, sleep guru, Arti Newman, has the answers. She is a sleep trainer and has helped hundreds of desperate parents.
Nightmares
This is a phase which some, but not all, children go through. If you think your child’s nightmare is genuine then it’s important to reassure them if they wake. Only wake them if they seem uncontrollable, otherwise you may be able to reassure them with calm words and a stroke in their sleep. Once they are awake switch the light on, give them some water and let them calm down.
In my experience children don't have nightmares every night. If your child is saying that they do, they may have developed a habit around the nightmare. A real nightmare is when a child is inconsolable and still screaming even if you’ve woken them up. If they just come downstairs and tell you they have had a bad dream, then it's not a real nightmare, and although they still need some reassurance, it’s good to recognise these situations as being more about attention than being scared.
If your child is saying they have nightmares as a way of getting attention, then it’s important to be quite strict in your response. Talk to them as little as possible, and don’t get cross as this means they are still getting attention, they don’t mind that it is negative attention. If they are scared of the dark, leave a night light on at the other side of the room. Leaving the main light on can cause other problems; it may stimulate the child and disrupt his/her sleep pattern.
Some children are particularly prone to nightmares. It’s important to say to them at bedtime that "mummy and daddy are here to look after you". Always let them know if there will be a baby sitter or family member looking after them.
Some nightmares can be prevented by not letting your child watch anything scary on TV. Even if they are scared they won't stop watching so it’s up to you to censor their viewing. And keep bedtime books light and happy; no dinosaurs eating princesses, just happy stories.
Nightime requests
As soon as your child learns to speak, their bedtime routine can become a litany of demands. “Mummy, I'm thirsty" can kick off a whole list just before bedtime. The best response is to not engage in conversation and to be firm. If they always ask for water in bed, get a non-spill beaker, which they can keep by their bed and drink from when they need to. If they always want another kiss or cuddle, get in to a routine where they get, e.g. two kisses and one cuddle before they go to sleep. No more or less.
Refusing to go to bed
The security of the cot has long gone, and now getting your toddler to stay in bed is not about them having no choice, but about you being a convincing deterrent. A stair gate in front of the bedroom door can be useful. You don’t need to actually close it, just threaten to if they are naughty or jump out of bed. That way you are in charge again. Another important point is to make sure they are definitely tired, and that you are not putting them to bed too early. Boys in particular need to be really tired to go to sleep, so give them an extra run around in the park.
Reward
If they sleep through and don't get out of bed in the night, tell them how great they are, encourage them and say thank you. Star charts are amazingly effective with older toddlers. Give them a star each day if they stay in bed, which results in a present at the end of the week if they do well. If you have two children sharing a bedroom, the chances are it's the younger one who's trying to persuade the older one to break the rules. Older children are naturally more cautious. Harness this natural dynamic and bribe the older one to stay in bed and lead the good behaviour!
Do you have any tips on getting your little ones to sleep? Share your experiences in the comment box below...
